How Would Love Feel?

Hellooooo, welcomeeeee.

See the excitement? Because IT IS THERE. I'm excited to tell you.

I was thinking of something and I just want to tell you this so bad. 

*keysmashes*

*presses backspaces*

Yes, I-

I zoned out. And, I imagined things. Unintentionally, okay? don't blame me later for making you soft. 

I can already feel my excitement turn into blush.

I imagined it 'unintentionally', okay?

*blushes*

Before I tell you, I want you to just take a deep breath. Forget about what you were doing and what you're gonna do after this. You've been thinking about it all day already and you'll go back to that same planning and worrying again. So for now, just keep yourself here. Keep reading and don't --i repeat, do not-- think about anything else 'cause this is important. 

*calms down butterflies in my stomach*

*takes a deep breath*

So, I-

I daydreamed. I imagined I hear a doorbell in a home --my home, I assume-- and immediately I scoot back my chair, keep the pen on the binding of the notebook, close it, stand up and even though it's not the urgent rhythm of the doorbell, I'm walking fast. The kind of fast you walk when there's a courier of your ordered something for which you've been waiting for days. I remember I didn't order anything in recent days and I know it isn't a delivery guy and I'm still urgently walking --just a bit more speed and you could say running-- to the door. I open the door. My heart fills with love, the same love I see in this person, standing right in front of me, looking at me --in my eyes precisely-- and my heart melts, gosh. My eyes have seen this person over a thousand times and still my heart acts like it's the first time I'm looking at this beautiful human. This human who walks, sits, eats, drinks and does every other work like any other person but damn, there's something more. The way I feel looking at that face. The way my heart aches when filled with love. The way I- 

I realise I've been standing still, as I always do --always, gawd-- and as always, my still body is being wrapped in those lovely arms at the entry of my home and I listen a whisper and though I couldn't make out the words in the traffic like sound of my feelings honking in my ears, I know those words. I don't need to be in my senses to make out that whisper. I know what these are. Because "Missed you precious, how're you, Love?" makes me feel beautiful and loved the way I've never felt around anyone else before. Ever. 

Before I could say anything, I hear a voice --call it noise, ugh-- calling my name followed by "On what planet are you lost? Called you three times it's the fourth, did you.." 

I can't focus on the next words because of the disappointment in this situation. One second, I'm welcoming my Love into our home and another I'm thrown out of the house which makes my lover disappear into a non-existent world and summons me into the present. 

I wanna throw a stone at a window as taking out frustration on my computer screen isn't a good choice for my pocket

Again my name in that same noise --okay, voice-- and this time my daydreaming not just pauses, it freakin' stops. I realise I'm in front of a computer screen instead of that door and my friend is shouting from the screen instead of that lovely greeting making me feel so-

Ugh, one more time I zone out and I'll be dead the next time we meet, friend turning to murderer, funny but no thanks, focus

on THIS voice, not the imagined one

Here I am, done with that video call, my dinner and all the night routines, lying on my bed, hugging my pillow, thinking about that precious dream. 

'it was just a daydream', my mind speaks

'stop it you serious logic maker', my heart protests

If there were a way to know exactly which shelf of my mind this daydream was stored in, I'd trade a number of days to live those moments again. But on second thought, I don't need to. It's still crystal clear in my memory. And, even if it wasn't, I can't stop feeling what I felt then. Is this how love is supposed to make you feel? 

'would you stop with stupid questions, already', my mind interrupts

'call it stupid one more time and I'll not listen to you for a week straight', my heart responds

'as if you listen to me', my mind shuts up with that

These two are never gonna stop. Let me continue with my paradise. How would love feel? Getting wrapped in someone's arms and feeling like home? Sitting together watching a movie while laying head on someone's lap? Maybe, when they hold your hand and subconsciously rub their thumb over the backside of your hand? Or maybe, when an arm falls softly on your waist from behind while you sleep? Maybe, the physical connection of your lips and their forehead? Maybe, the soft whisper of their voice confessing their love in your ears? Maybe, looking at someone in family functions and not feeling guilty? Maybe, flirting back with no sense of cheating? Maybe, being silently present when their heart is facing a thunderstorm? Maybe having those conversations which you never had with anyone and they'd listen? Maybe, being vulnerable with them, either physically or emotionally or both? 

'would you just-', my mind starts

'shh, it's feeling good', my heart interrupts

I don't know how exactly love feels. Afterall, everyone's love is different. Meaning of love, its ways, its boundaries and factors on which they weigh it are different for every single person.

But, I, for sure, know one thing. It makes you feel light, soft, safe, at peace and respected.

Love makes you feel loved.

It's something every soul craves for, irrespective of how our mouth denies.

Some --most, honestly-- people have their hearts broken because of love. Darling, it wasn't love who broke your precious heart, it was that person, the situations and just all the things but love. 

You might feel that you ain't capable of love anymore, but hey precious, you don't have to be 'capable' of love. Your someone would come and steal you from yourself and make you their own and give them completely to you in return and you wouldn't even know how it happened. You'd just be in their arms and smile on your younger self how could you think so less of you, not being capable of love? And, how dare you think so less of this person who loves you now from the core of their heart? Hug them tighter, they'll know you won't let them go.

Where there's an urge to die for, there's love. But on the second thought, where there's an urge to live for, there's love too. 

*hugs my pillow tighter*

*slips into the dream where I hear a doorbell, walk fast to the door, heart melts when my eyes-

the arms around me-

oh that "missed you precious, how're you, love?"

dream continues to something I'll forget next day*

~Miss V