What If They Apologise?

Suppose --or maybe, look into your past-- or let's just suppose, you're friends with someone, something goes wrong and it comes to a point where you're hurt and maybe they're too but if anyone needs to apologise, it's them. It's not always the scenario but a possible situation.

Assume any reason for them to apologise:

∆ They did something intentionally.

∆ Situations went wrong, they could have stopped at a point but didn't and let situations take the blame.

∆ They felt you were at fault, didn't listen to your side then but now they're clear.

∆ They let that other person come between both of you when only they could have stopped it.

Think of any reason and now you're at a point where they come to you to apologise. 

this is the point I'm talking about

What questions arise in your mind? 

How do you take this apology? What do you do with it? 

Forgive them? Go back to them? Forget about all what happened in the past? Remind them of all the wrongs they did? Show them your middle finger in public? Re-live your pain explaining to them how it all hurt you? Take the nearest hard object and throw it on their face? Be vulnerable to them by letting them see how much you're destroyed by their actions or by no actions? Listen to their apology and pretend you never listened for the rest of your lives? Write down "It's Okay" or "Go to hell" on a paper, crumble it and flush it maybe? Lie that you forgive them and continue treating them as you were before? Watch them beg, if they're so much desperate for your forgiveness? Disappear maybe? okay yes you ain't a genie

Back to the question. What do you do with that goddamn apology after all your suffering?

If they apologise, you don't get to treat them badly. First thing to be kept in mind.

People make mistakes and no one is supposed to be suffering for your forgiveness for the rest of their lives. Take your time, yes but just long enough that they --and you, both-- are alive before your forgive them.

remember your suffering? Yours couldn't end with those few words but theirs can. If someone can be at relief, say those three words "I forgive you" to them

BUT. If someone murders your another friend or maybe somebody even closer to you and then accept their mistake, then are you supposed to do the same? Say these three words, end their sufferings, while you'll continue living with your dead someone's memories and pain of their absence? pain is a small word for it

If they murdered them by mistake, as in, an accident, then maybe you can forgive them but they accepting their mistake doesn't mean that you HAVE TO get close to them, you HAVE TO talk to them whenever THEY want. Nope. You don't owe them that. You don't owe them anything, even if you consider that they never meant to kill. They did, no matter how good their intentions were. And heart might get blinded enough by pain to realise someone's 'good' intentions. That's what hearts do: Feel pain.

They accepted their mistake 'cause they're trying to be a good person. And this might be the first step, no? 

You don't pay for their goodness by giving them all the things you used to give them. But you also don't break the ladder of goodness which they're trying to climb, either.

They did a mistake. Intentionally or unintentionally. You made a decision based on that mistake as well as how it affected you. Your decisions affected the distance you maintained, the level of care you decreased, the extra layer on your heart for further damage, finding the blurred line of how much do you hate them and how much you don't love them anymore.

The world isn't brimming with goodness. Turn your head to left, right, up, down or even sink into the heaven, you'll find some evil. Them accepting their mistake and actually coming to you for apologising is something you can count on, as the good in the world. If you can't realise its goodness, then darling, you haven't seen those people yet who walk over you with the same smile that they had on their face while doing horror things to your soul you could ever imagine. And you know what does that smile mean? They don't regret it. They remember every single thing they did to you and would do it all over again the first chance they get. And no. I ain't making it up. I've witnessed these people. I've seen that smile. And the things their stare do to me, I-

Gawd, back to the topic. Yes. Uh. I-

I'm okay. I.. I was saying that

See the good in their asking for your forgiveness. It takes courage to apologise. A hell lot of it. Respect they've that in them. 

otherwise, they could have turned either their head, right when they knew you're suffering caused by them. Or even worse? they could have that evil smile which might burn the very spot of your pain

They're accepting their mistake and that's the factor on which you decide you'll forgive them or not. And maybe on the bond you did share once as well. Realisation and acceptance of their mistake, courage they gathered to apologise and the bond you shared once. These are the factors worth considering.

It's just about if you'll forgive them or not.

You don't have to change your decision. You can forgive them and still keep all the decisions made, as they are. Distance, level of care, the extra protection of your heart and everything else.

Make them on basis of how YOU want to keep this. Do you want to forgive them? Can you go back to where you were? Do you wanna stay in contact? --if yes, how much?-- Would you go leaving your work for their urgently made calls? 

Think about what's good for you, what mental state you were in when you made all those decisions and what state are you in now.

Keep it the way you wish to. You made them after a lot of suffering. Their apology might help you get a lil' peace in your decisions but changing them altogether? It's your decision again. Not someone else's realisation of their wrongs.

Also, someone accepting their mistake doesn't always mean you HAVE TO forgive them. Forgiveness isn't based on the person who did wrong, it's based on who's forgiving. If you think you can forgive them, okay. If you don't want to, that's okay too; 'sometimes'.

And, before you decide whether to forgive them or not, do consider the fact that was it done intentionally? If it was --red flag-- high chances of their next apology next time too.

Forgiving someone and still not talking to them, is a thing. And it isn't illegal.

Analyse everything, okay? 

Their realisation, their courage, the good in them and total good in the world, not turning their blind eye to your pain, doing the right thing, the bond you shared, possibilities of how could they've stopped it from happening. if you want to, then this too please: how they didn't walk over you with an evil smile secretly telling that they'd do it all over again if you give them a chance

Look at everything and then look into their eyes, listen to their voice. Your heart knows them, it will tell you how much they mean this apology and how much they want to make peace with you. The one who wants to apologise and the one who want (or doesn't want) to forgive --accept it or not-- ain't living in peace till they achieve it.

Hope you've agreed to all --most of all-- this. Do keep in mind that you've read it from the perspective of they're apologising and you're the one to decide. All these things stay valid even when you're at the apologising end. Don't expect them to forgive you so easily. And when they do, don't make it difficult for them to hold on to their decisions. Apologising takes courage but who said forgiving doesn't?

And before I end, let me just remind you, few people died before they could apologise and few before they could forgive. Make peace. It doesn't have to be wished for, only after death. Breathing souls need peace too.

And I'll not forget mentioning the people who know very well that their sinners won't apologise even in hell but are still dying to forgive, wondering every day of their lives "What if they apologise?"

~Miss V