Does Their Care Ruin You?

Do you ever have one of those moments when you're at the verge of crying and someone asks you genuinely, what happened and the boundary of your tears break and slips out from your eyes?

Or maybe a moment where you've had a bad day and at the end of it, you ain't looking for solution but just someone to speak to and someone asks lovingly, how're you or how was your day?

Or maybe, after a few bad days continuously, you've had a good day because of someone's mere presence and you feel, OhMyGawd this person is wow, finally a good idea in all this mess because of 'their' company?

Or maybe, whenever you've a bad mood and this specific person always asks you, listens to you, tries to help you and if they can't help or do anything about the problem, they just stay with you. To let you know you ain't alone?

Whenever someone does this for you time to time, have you ever had the feeling that you're being ruined because of their love, care and tenderness?

Have you ever asked someone to care less for you or love you just a little less because you think you're getting ruined?

Ocean Vuong says in On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined."

If you've felt it, then darling, listen to me, here: you ain't being ruined by this tenderness. When plants are watered, are they being ruined? You're made soft, being cared for, made to realise that you too deserve love and care. The tenderness people offer you ain't just because they're nice, you're nice too. It's the kindness that you give to others coming back to you --sometimes from the same person and sometimes others. It's a reminder for you that you ain't in this bad phase for ever.

The tenderness people --or this specific person-- offers you is the action of these words: Even if you've had a bad day, you can have a lovely evening talking to me. Even if you didn't get anybody to talk to, the whole day, I'm here with my very own two ears and with a brain to concentrate on what you've to say, just for you. Even if you got hurt in my absence, I'll give you some relief by my presence. Even if you feel this issue is not going to be solved --just because I, your saviour, can't provide you any solution-- know that you'll have my hand to wipe your tears. Even if you're at the verge of dying, I'll turn the world upside down to get you the time you need. And if I couldn't do that, I'll stay and make you smile, 'cause honey, you ain't alone. I'm here.

I'm here; with all my tenderness, that, you think, is ruining you but if you think so, then so be it. You think that, because you don't see yourself smiling the way I do. The smile on your face just after receiving my tenderness. You haven't seen the way your lips make this beautiful curve and the way small lines appear at the ends of your eyes as the confirmation of a real smile. Oh honey, if you call getting a real smile on your face as you're being ruined, I absolutely hope that you get ruined this way all the time and deeply wish that people offering you their tenderness keeps increasing to a good extent.

Just till an extent, because watering plants for their nourishment and growth is one thing, flooding it at the bottom damaging its roots, is another.

you know you ain't getting floods of affection, so you're far from getting actually ruined, shh

You know why do we feel this way; that we're being ruined or will be ruined when we're offered kindness?

Because the moment we realise we've been getting this for a long time now by this person, we know we're just at the verge of developing --or maybe already have developed-- habit of receiving this tenderness constantly. And if they go, we'll have to live without their affection and that, oh no, already sounds bad. So better to stay without the tenderness or atleast without so much of it, so that there would be no chance of developing a habit and hence, we can tolerate bad situations without being taken care of, without all the little amount of tenderness that could make us smile.

That's the foundation of the thought stated in the quote mentioned above --in my perspective-- from where we've come to the point that we sometimes deny even the smallest amount of love given to us, just as a kind gesture. We refuse to accept even that because, yeah, why to let us experience even a single moment to have a real smile when we can just continue with our bad day, right? 

don't you dare say 'right', that was sarcastic, honey

Whenever you receive kindness, love, care, tenderness, affection, any or all, don't refuse it. Atleast not from the ones who truly care.

If you might not have noticed, let me tell you, you too offer all these things to people around you. Think. You have! 

You deserve all the good moments you experience and about the bad moments? well, if they didn't exist, kindness wouldn't have been something we would be talking about. It's the bad days in which we realise the importance of someone's asking "how're you". It's the absence of love which makes us realise the amount of affection in someone's simple actions.

You deserve all the good things that you get. For the ones you didn't, you didn't "yet". 

Whenever you feel a need to ask someone to love you less or not care for you too much, just know you can do the same for them on their bad days. Afterall, that's what we all need, right? 

definitely not being sarcastic here

And if someone around you asks this from you, tell them what I'd like to tell YOU when you think of not accepting the love they offer you:

You, hey. Listen to me. Here. Yes, focus. Important stuff. If you think my love and care for you are ruining you, then-

then-

I'd love to ruin you, darling. In your language, you deserve to be ruined; in my words; you deserve to receive all the tenderness people offer you.

~Miss V