Why Is Choosing So Difficult?

Have you ever been in a position when you had to, or wait, let me reframe, do you remember the time when you had to choose between things? Whether you want this for yourself or that? Would it be better or not? How would things be if you go with this leaving that behind? How would things turn out for others if you choose this and how would they be for you if you choose that? 

This decision of choosing varies from choosing an ice-cream flavour on a menu to wearing an outfit on your special day; from choosing the college you're going to, to choosing to stay with that person or let go.

If you remember the moment of making that decision, you surely remember about how difficult it was. The number of times you had considered all the factors, the way you'd doubt if you're missing out something which you should include in the factors, the way you were wondering about whether to take advice of this person, the way you were confused if your feelings are clouding your judgement or are you really being a fair judge. You remember all of that, don't you?

Ever wondered why it was so difficult? Now, when you look back, you're clearer now than you were before, about the choice you finally made. Either it's "Glad, I hadn't chosen that" or "I shouldn't have chosen this". 

the second part already sounds scary, I know

You know, that's what makes it difficult. Choosing isn't about what you choose. It's about would you regret this choice or would you be happy about it? It's not the decision you make; it's the regret that you want to get away from.

Look back at your choosing moment again. Didn't all the thoughts emerge and end at the same place, that is, would I regret it? Would I want this other thing later, that I'm leaving now? Would I think about this moment sometime later and feel upset about I didn't choose that when I had the option to? Would I be happy knowing that the place where I am now is because of what "I" chose back then?

When others choose things for us, it's easier. But when it's upto us, just on ourselves, it gets difficult. You know why? We, human beings --or say, atleast most of us-- want to put blame on everything except ourselves. When someone else chooses the flavour of our ice-cream, we know we'd still have it even if we wouldn't like it so much, but we'd do that after making a face to this person who made the choice for us. We can deal with the things others choose for us and go through that while complaining all the time. But when we know that it's our decision who escalated us into this position which we ain't happy in, it gets difficult to go through that. Because now, you've to get through that plus you've the burden of guilt or regret or maybe both.

We get through all the bad things if we ain't the reason of causing it. And the undesirable things we went through because of ourselves still worry us in the next decision making. Think of any example. And see for yourself. 

It's the regret that we're scared of. The guilt that makes choosing difficult for us.

And when it's all upon us, damn. Twice the level of difficulties. 

You complain when you ain't allowed to take decisions for yourself. But, do you know how much courage it takes to choose for someone else? 

Take the example above again, but this time it's not them choosing ice-cream for you; it's you who is choosing for them. It's not you sitting on the table waiting for the order; it's you on the counter to make an order of your choice for all the people who are sitting on that table, unaware of what flavour they're going to have. Or make it even simpler, it's not for so many people but just one person you've to choose for. It's still difficult, isn't it?

There's just one difference between: you choosing for yourself and them choosing for you.

And just one similarity between:

you choosing for yourself and you choosing for them.

Just one. In both the cases.

The person who's going to be responsible. It's easier when they're to be blamed if it turns out bad. And it's difficult --difficult sounds like a small word-- when the responsible person for the consequences would be you. 

How do you get going in the decision making phase? How do you ease things for yourself?

You think of the ways you're less likely to feel any regret.

Take the things you've to choose between. See for their advantages and disadvantages. Their positives and negatives. 

Sometimes, it would be difficult to categorise, as in, if this particular factor is a plus or a minus, it's okay not to categorise. Just keep it there to consider.

Now, think of the things which are going to take all of your strength to cope up with. Keep these as disadvantages.

Think of things which matter the most for you. Keep these ones as the positives.

Sort things in terms of what you can deal with and what you definitely can't. 

Regret comes when you think you could have gone through this but you didn't or the opposite.

But when you choose on the basis of what you can go through and what you can't, you're going to make the right decision. You'd know after days, months and even years that it was the right thing to choose. You could handle this. You couldn't go through that. And when you know this, regret stays away.

An apple a day keeps a doctor away. Right? Here's my version for decision making phase:-

Understanding what matters for you the most keeps the regrets away.

Whenever you make a decision for yourself, remember the things you've always wanted, things you started this for and things which are necessary for you to be in peace. 

And, whenever you make a decision for others, just ask them what matters for them; you'll be more likely to see their satisfied face on the decision that you made for them.

All the best to all of you who are choosing between things right now. It's not just few moments. You choose between things everytime. It's not just the college or the flavour of ice-cream. It's in every moment. The decision making phase. Whether you want to sit to complete your today's task or you want to scroll through your phone a bit more. Whether you want to smile on when I say: Hey, smile, darling. Or not.

Whatever decision is being made for you, just make sure you tell your decision maker --be it someone else or you yourself-- that this is what matters for you. 

You're going to make the best decision. Believe in yourself. And that one about getting back to work or a bit more scrolling, let me make that for you. Get up, have some water and get back to work, darling. Do the scrolling after getting some of your work done, okay, honey? 

Let me make just one more decision for you. Here:

Hey, smile, darling. 

~Miss V