Very Mature Or Not Insecure Enough?

Hello, people.

Before starting today I want to express something so I'll just be done with that, first, yes?

I miss someone and it's paining. And just so I could feel that I really spoke it out, I am actually converting my voice to texts and I don't know if I should be thankful or sad that the emotion in my voice isn't getting coated over my texts. These texts look just as any other texts would.

Well the technology isn't really updated and I feel it's working for me right now because I wouldn't want you to know that I am almost crying. Missing someone too much isn't a desirable feeling, really. 

especially when you've already had your last conversation with them; the very last

So let's get started today.

wait, i didn't plan to speak that out, gawd

I thought I would say that I miss someone and will continue with the topic I had in my mind but now that I've said more than I intended to, I guess I'll just choose a different topic which harmonize with the feelings this heart is brimming with and keep that decided topic for the next time.

This is the topic I feel very difficult to speak on. And now that I have said that, I guess your interest level is higher. Afterall it's not everyday that I choose something so brave to do but today I told someone that you gotta do something brave atleast once in a day so I guess I just took one page of my own book.

take your own advices sometimes, okay? would be good for you

It's not very comfortable for me to dig in my heart with both my hands to pull all the things just so you can see while it keeps bleeding, so, how about if I show you the images of when I digged in last time? 

still not comfortable, but okay

My heart would burst if this all doesn't get out so, I reluctantly decided to pay some attention to its begging. 

Now, comfortable or not, my heart can't really go for speaking about that too now, can it?

beggars can't be choosers, right?

I wrote a poem sometime back that asked people to say it out loud to their loved ones --or even to merely acquaintances if they want to-- that don't die. You could think of it as good thing to read if you don't feel like living. 

Just imagine this if there's someone who is planning to just stop their life what would you want them to remember? They would remember a lot of things in that moment --it's overwhelming, you know, to be in that moment-- few thoughts might push them to death but few might pull them to life. 

They can remember their conversation with someone in which they were told they're useless. They could also remember a conversation in which they were told they're worth knowing, that they should take care of themselves, that don't they dare to die.

easy to guess, which might push them and which thought might pull them

You might think that I wrote this for the people who are suicidal and did some good in the world and all that good stuff people blabber about. 

sowwie for the tone, but can't help it right now; my heart-

Yeah you could say that I wrote it with all good intentions but that was not my motive. I started that poem for something and it turned out to be something else because a very good habit of mine compelled me to hide myself in the poem and it subconsciously turned from a very dark poem into good sweet innocent piece; not very innocent though. The words made someone cry --only those who focused on every word-- but they also made people happy at the end --as my heart couldn't manage to let someone leave upset-- because they conveyed that message of saying to your people how important they're.

Here are few lines from that poem in quotations, with a few comments for you to understand it better:-

"I don't intend to die but

I wish when my intentional death

revolves in my mind, atleast one voice

saying "Don't die, please?" revolves too."

Wouldn't a person need this memory, when they're at their lowest?

Maybe people don't say it because

"Either my loved ones are very mature

or maybe just not insecure enough for me."

Why don't people express more often? Why do you think you can't tell someone that you're happy that they live?

"listening "Don't die, please?" 

won't make my ears bleed, I promise."

You might think that this person wouldn't have their lowest like this. You might think that they wouldn't need to listen Don't Die from you but how do you know it for sure? How do you know their lowest isn't coming to them any sooner?

"I wasn't like this since forever.

It's just, people change.

Time and experiences do something to them.

I just happen to be one of them."

When you love someone, how do you choose things if it comes to life and death? Whose death would you prefer it to be if you could only save one? Either yours or theirs.

"I'm afraid of a lot of things

but death tops the list.

Doesn't matter mine or yours

but yours does more, I'm sorry."

I don't know if I'll have my suicidal stage or not at some point of life but for now, if my only reason to live is a smile of a stranger, I feel I'll endure anything to make that smile stick to their face even if my difficulties are almost unbearable and even if this person is a total stranger. What if this person's smile comes only because of me? What if I'm the only reason of their smile and this person the only reason for so many more people's lives?

"I better stay here,

I've got a lot to do, 

I'd stay alive, intentionally."

"It's difficult not to be insecure

of losing you, to death.

I won't know what I'm supposed to do

in the time I spend with you."

Sowwie for a very childish reason but I don't think my heart can handle if I start to speak the real reasons.

Express it out people. Say to your own people that you don't want them to die. You want them to live. For this. For that. For you. For themselves.

"if somebody could have said

"Don't die, please?" to me, it'd be nice."

Can't ask you to only do and do.

So, here's this for you:

hey. YOU! Don't die, please?

Saying it to you.

'cause I know, believe me,

listening to that doesn't hurt."

And there was a part I didn't want to write any comments with.

I don't want you to understand it better so, maybe just read it without the explanation?

In case, you understand it, let me know what I asked in this part.

yes the one i don't wanna explain anything about

"She was mad at me and then she died.

Does that mean I'll never be forgiven by her?

or it might be that 

she would stay upset with me forever?"

~Miss V