How Do You Make Someone Believe?

Hellooooo, people.

Today, I've a very important topic to speak on. Not just important but urgent. Not just any urgent, this is i-have-a-meeting-with-the-president kind of urgent.

i-rescheduled-a-write-up-to-post-this-write-up kind of urgent

2k+views-on-this-blog-but-straight-to-the-topic kind of urgent

So, straight to the topic.

How do you make someone believe that you ain't gonna leave them?

That's the question. No here and there. No beating around the bush. And here's the answer: 

You freakin' stay.

wait, that's it? you stay and that's how you make someone believe you ain't gonna leave? really? are you kidding me?

No, darling. Not kidding. If you're asking how to make someone believe that, here: reality check - you can't. There are no words and no list of actions which you would do and the other person would just be like: hey, you said this, now i believe you or ohmygod, you did this, now i believe you'll stay

Wouldn't that be an easy world? But it isn't. So, back to reality.

Why do people get insecure about others leaving them? Why do they want confirmation every now and then from the other person that they'll stay? Why is it that-

Straight to the answer: You have a mind which does one hell of a job of memorizing every time you got hurt and a heart which does a lot more than pumping blood.

If you're insecure, it doesn't mean you'll remain so, till eternity.

Someone would come to you and will stay. When they'll stay, your brain would replace the hurting experiences with the happy ones with this person --or these people-- and your heart, well, you might feel like, it belongs to someone else more, than it does to you.

Whenever you feel insecure, I know it takes a lot of courage to express it to them. It aches you so much that you push them away from you. But, even though you don't realize it, you don't push them away because you want them to leave; instead you want them to fight you, shut you up by saying, "I'm not gonna leave you even if you push me away."

We are human beings. Synonym: Weird. 

When we want someone to stay, we ask them to leave.

When we really want someone to leave, we never ask them directly --considering you ain't brutally straightforward.

There ain't any words. No specific set of actions. Then, how do you make someone believe?

Your actions. 

Making someone believe is not like a chemical reaction in laboratories. Put the litmus paper. Red? Acidic. Blue? Basic.

I can speak the instructions and you get your result. Exact result.

Making someone believe is like cooking a dish. 

I can instruct you every single step including the time it needs to be cooked for, the exact measurement of ingredients, the exact temperature of the flame, when to keep the container open, when to keep the lid on; and still your dish won't taste the way mine would, with the exact same conditions and measurements.

You can not follow my procedure to make a dish of your choice.

You can not ask anyone else to make you believe something you want to believe in.

You can keep believing they're gonna stay even if you see red flags all over them. 

You can keep believing they're gonna leave even if they're ready with a knife to take their heart out for you.

So, who has to cook the dish named "i-believe-in"? You.

then the other person does nothing?  and it's all my own work?

Nope. Not all yours. The other person gives you the ingredients. 

You're cooking the dish but they're gonna make sure you put right amount of ingredients.

In other words, you work on observing them while they show you what they can offer.

If they offer you love, kindness, care, positivity, etc., you know what your i-believe-in dish is going to taste like, right?

And if someone gives you red turmeric, rotten tomatoes, awful bottle guard, etc., you know, you turn off the flame and run in opposite direction from them, right?

What if they get insecure every now and then?

You hand them the ingredients again and let them cook again. You offer your love, care, words, actions in different amounts, they take them in their vessel --heart-- and let it all cook.

When they feel insecure again, you hand them the ingredients again and let them cook.

You might feel that you're doing it very frequently these days or it's all coming to square one again and again, but you have to trust them and yourself. 

Believe in yourself that you're handing them the right ingredients in the right amount --ask them, what ingredients they want more? a cup of words more? two spoons care less? two glasses of love more?-- and believe in them that they'll know a more accurate list of ingredients next time.

Every time you do this, you ain't wasting your time in the "same" thing. You're making them perfect in cooking their i-believe-in dish with your ingredients.

You won't have to do this lifelong. You'll have to do this till they can make their i-believe-in dish from your very ingredients without you handing them yourself. 

Throughout the journey of making this perfect dish now known as i-believe-in-you-will-stay, you kept handing them the ingredients because they thought they didn't have the ingredients with them.

All this time, they were focusing on just the flame while being busy in making themselves believe that you're gonna stay.

When they'll be perfect in believing it, they can take their eyes off the flame and vessel, and that's the moment when they'll realize that you were handing them the ingredients from their shelf only. 

They don't believe you're gonna stay because they are very focused on the flame --their insecurities-- and they don't realize it just now but will soon realize that all the ingredients were there with them, on the shelf which belongs to them.

You had already given a whole stock of everything you had for them. You were just handing them the ingredients --from that very shelf-- whenever they needed to cook this dish. 

Isn't that what we all do? We keep on expressing that we're gonna stay until they see it with their own eyes, memorize enough of the good things and feel it in their own heart.

So, let's do this again:

How do you make someone believe that you ain't gonna leave them?

You freakin' stay.

Stay till you can hand them the ingredients, till they can make a perfect version of their i-believe-in dish, till you can smell the aroma of their belief, till they notice an overloaded stock of all the ingredients in their own shelf.

There's just one rule --like it or not.

Nobody can spoon feed you. You gotta  cook yourself, darling. 

but isn't cooking a dish when someone is handing you the ingredients wow?

One more time:

How do you make someone believe that you ain't gonna leave them?

You freakin' stay.

And just one more time:-

What if they doubt if you're gonna leave even after they've a perfect i-believe-in-you-will-stay dish? You freakin' stay? Yes. But this time, you hold their face with both your hands and turn it towards their shelf screaming in their ear, "I don't leave the chefs I spent so much time handing these ingredients to."

~Miss V