Anniversaries Might Not Be What You Think

Hellooooo, people.

shower of balloons

Happy One Year Anniversary of the blogs at Unwinding Heart.

yayyyyy

Today is the date I posted the first blog last year.

OMG, the whole year, I've done this. I've been consistent in writing. Woah.

except for these last two/three weeks

One year, people. O. N. E. One!

shower of colorful glittery paper pieces

Today, we're going to talk about-

drum-rolls, please?

Anniversaries.

Anniversary is the word that stirs so many feelings in us. The moment you say anniversary, the next thing you're curious about is the timeline.

how many years has it been? 

is it third? oh, fourth?

omg, has it been twenty years already?

wait, one year? is it, really?

When you read anniversary, you think of birthdays, wedding anniversaries, opening of a new business and so on.

Let me tell you what I get in my mind when I read anniversary.

The first time someone said I Love You. Death anniversary. The first time someone was kissed. The moment someone had an accident. 

You might not remember exact dates, but you do remember the feeling in that moment. Sometimes, you remember that the sky was pink and the roads were quiet when you expressed your heart out to that person, or sometimes, you might remember you wore a certain outfit during that special meeting.

telling you my point of view on anniversaries:

Anniversaries don't have to be weekly, monthly or yearly. It's not always the time that measures the frequency. Sometimes, it's a feeling.

most of the time, really; you just don't observe it

Examples, here. 

If you remember that you wore that certain outfit during your special meeting with someone, you might not remember about the meeting on the date of the next month, but you definitely will have a smile on your face when you choose to wear that outfit the next time.

Wearing that outfit the next time is the anniversary of your special meeting. Why? Just 'cause you remember that meeting by that outfit, not by the date.

Another example.

You expressed your heart to someone and you don't remember it by the outfits you both had, but by the color of the sky and the quietness of the road.

probably 'cause you were looking at everything but them

The next time you wear that outfit in which you expressed, might not give you any feeling about that day, because it wasn't on your mind that day. A quiet road might not stir feelings of that moment either. But, maybe the pink sky would. Maybe, when you look at the pink sky, you look at the road to see if it's quiet like the way it was that day. If it's not, you might want it to be. If it is, you might feel like it's the anniversary of that moment.

I feel that we're so used to associate anniversaries to dates that prioritizing feelings and memories has taken a backseat.

not in my car, though

Anniversaries don't have to be at just a particular day or a particular moment only. They can last a week too. Here, the example.

Developing a bond. 

Don't you ever remember during a certain period of time in a month that, it was this time you developed a beautiful bond with a certain person?

Doesn't it happen with you? You develop a bond with someone during the preparation of a certain festival and the next time you're preparing for that festival --with them or without-- it feels like an anniversary of that bond you developed?

Anniversary aren't dates. They're feelings. The moment you get a reminder and/or a feeling due to a materialistic/immaterialistic object associated to something's first, that is called anniversary of that something.

that's how i define anniversaries

that's how i feel about anniversaries

If you get this definition, you'd also understand how anniversary isn't all-good-all-happy term for me. 

And maybe, it isn't. Maybe it's one of those terms which actually is an umbrella term but we're so used to using it in a particular way that we associate it with all-good-all-happy things only.

Because, anniversaries are also of the things we don't want to experience again. The time when you lost that bond? Maybe you feel it is its anniversary in the last week of September?

The time when you got a permanent scar. Maybe you feel its anniversary when you drive on that same road?

You do see how the term anniversary is an umbrella term, right? And, also, how it's not about time, but feelings and memories. You don't always 'have' anniversary, you 'feel' it. You don't always celebrate them, you cry over them too.

There's a quote I'd like to show you:

"Memory blurs, that's the point. If the memory didn't blur, you wouldn't have the fool's courage to do things again, again and again that tear you apart."

~Joyce Carol Oates

Don't you agree? I do. Partially.

this is me in favor of the blurring of memory:

It's good that we don't always remember a lot of things after four months than we do after two days of an incident. As you know now, anniversaries come up when you encounter with things you remember of that moment. Probably it's for your good that you don't remember that you had styled your hair that day in the way you love. Because, if you would, you probably wouldn't love to see your hair like that, anymore?

Probably it's for your good that you don't remember it's your favorite spot you were sitting at when you cried on that call? Because, probably that favorite spot is supposed to be your favorite for a little longer?

and this is me in against blurring of memory:

If we don't remember things about the biggest mistake we've ever made, how are we going to trust ourselves that we won't go over the edge again?

Isn't it unfair that memory blurs? What if I wanted to keep something of that moment in my mind as its anniversary which I encounter everyday and not just once in a blue moon?

What if I don't want to get the reminder of my biggest mistake only when I've reached the top of the cliff? What if I want its reminder the moment I started to climb up and at every single moment I took a step forward?

If memory weren't to blur, I could feel the anniversary of the mistakes I've made every single day. And that way, I'd save myself.

even if i say i don't need saving

But it isn't that way. Memory blurs and we all have to deal with that. Some of us are thankful for it, a few of us ain't. Some of us don't need reminders of their mistakes, but a few of us do. 

because we're too scared to commit the mistakes which shattered our hearts; because we don't trust ourselves enough and reminders are the most effective way which help us in resisting the urges to repeat the same mistakes

It doesn't matter to the universe if we're grateful for the fact that memory blurs. It still will.

Whatever blurs from your memory, just remind your importance to yourself enough times that even if your memory gets sucked out, the knowledge of your preciousness stays with you.

Smileeeee, darling.

'cause one year completed; yayyyy

~Miss V