Have You Ever Made Tough Decisions?

Hellooooo, people.

Today's write-up is going to be about decisions. Of all kinds: easy, tough, sweet, rough, hard, entangled, nice, compelled.

Although this write-up is about all types of decisions and the whole spectrum of love as well, I'm going to frame it around two decisions that people make.

you've lived a life so you don't need to be told every possible example; you're smart enough

First, when someone tells the other person that they want to be with them --in a relationship, in an FWB thing, in a partnership or simply wanna grow old with them.

And, second, when they tell their so-and-so that they can't be with them anymore --because they don't want to or for some other xyz reason.

"To love someone is firstly to confess: I'm prepared to be devastated by you."

~Billy-Ray Belcourt, A History Of My Brief Body

When you confess your love to someone, you're also giving them the chance to hurt you. Fortunately or unfortunately, you can't love someone without being vulnerable.

if you're not vulnerable, you might wanna look deeper, it probably isn't love

People have this misconception that after a long time, it's not in their hands with whom they're in a relationship, just 'cause they love them. They forget that falling in love wasn't in their hands but acting on that love was and still is.

People need to acknowledge the fact that the person they fell in love with and the person they're in a relationship with at this moment might not be the same. And it's okay. That's what time is supposed to do to people; change them.

The change in a person can make them better or worse as a person and probably make them better as a person but worse for you to love.

let that sink in

When you don't feel loved enough in a bond, you either try to modify it or cut it down. If you try to modify it, how the bond goes depends on the other person too and when you decide to cut it down, the other person has to deal with it. They can either try to save it or maybe do something --intentionally or subconsciously-- to make you believe you're right to sever the bond.

Most of the time, we talk about how badly does it hurt when someone declares a breakup. But, do we talk about how difficult it is to be able to make that decision?

It's not like, the person making the decision isn't suffering. They were suffering and now too, are suffering as much as their so-and-so is.

When someone wants you to break the connection you have, you get hurt. But, they're hurting too. The pain of breaking a bond doesn't go with the metaphor of throwing a stone on the mirror, rather, it goes with slapping on the face.

The stone doesn't get hurt when you break a mirror with it. But when you slap, the cheek hurts and so does the hand. 

It's not possible for one person to deteriorate while the other remains unaffected after they lose a bond with one another.

Even in one-sided love, one person might feel like they've lost their love but the other person can't just remain unaffected. They too would have lost something, whether they know it or not.

If they didn't know about your feelings, they lost an admirer.

If they shared a bond and it still was one-sided, they lost you, darling. And even if they don't feel the weight of the bond now, they might miss it someday, 'cause believe it or not, even if they couldn't love you, they have you in their mind. They might have shared your habits. And things staying in mind find their way at least once to the conscious mind and that's the moment, you'll be remembered.

For people who declare to the other person that they want this to be over, here's my word for you:

First of all, do you have any idea how brave you are? 

oh, please tell me that you do

I know it's been hard for you. I know, you were suffering when the other person didn't know how bad it was getting for you. Now that you've decided to end this bond, just remember that you're wise enough to know you're worth and brave enough to do something about it.

You took a step when you didn't feel like you were being treated right. And, if you're unaware, let me tell you, honey, a lot of people don't take that step. They wait for the other person to do something stupid so that they can find a way to summon the topic of how they're hurting. Some people do stupid things themselves that the other person declares it to be over. Hell, some people don't even know if they're being treated right or not; let alone taking step.

I know it took great courage to sever the bond which once was a source of happiness for you. I know it was so difficult to tell the person you don't want to be with them when some time ago, you had been so happy for being with them.

The other person might have reacted in a way that their reaction either made it even more difficult for you (if they tried to save the bond) or made it easier (if they simply accepted as if they don't care) hence hurting you.

We all gotta make tough decisions in our lives. Sometimes, it's just about us and sometimes, it's about a hundred people. Whenever you're making any decision, remind yourself that you've come this far by making the right choices. And while you'll be thinking of your right choices, wrong ones will surface in your memories too. That's the moment where you gotta be wise, smart and brave. That's the point where you decide if you want to do something you're proud of or something you want to feel guilt for.

What about the hurt you went through while making the decision and are still feeling?

About that. You need healing, yes. But, not so much from the pain of breaking the bond but from the pain of making a tough decision. 

There will be moments it will all come down on you how good the bond was, but there will also be the moments where you'll realise you did the right thing to break it up. Make sure you keep the good memories as a way to make you smile and not to make you feel guilty. Make sure you remember that you're strong enough to get away from the people that hurt you.

Your bravery, strength and wisdom will heal you, Love. You just gotta focus on your happiness and give yourself all the time in the world. You'll heal before you know it. 

And and. Just one more thing.

If you're tired of being brave sometimes, think of the people who shower their life on you. You can allow yourself to be not-so-strong in front of people who make you feel loved.

Let them take care of you. And no, you don't have to think twice about that.

You know they love you, don't you? So, let them take care of you, for once. Twice. And as many times as you want to be taken care of. Because that's what friends are for.

Smileeeee, you, brave person.

~Miss V