How Much Is Validation Important?

Hellooooo, people.

It has been an adventure for the last few months and omg, the level of fun, nervousness, fear, pain, happiness and numerous other feelings was insane.

"A library is never complete. That's the joy of it. We are always seeking one more book to add to our collection."

~Catherynne M. Valente

This quote feels like it's not just about the library. It's about us too. Think about it, are you complete?

What would you need to be complete?

And then, imagine yourself at that stage, are you sure you'll then think you're complete?

Whenever I have a topic to write on, I gather all the feelings associated with it and the pile never feels complete. The way you feel "One more chapter" for an interesting novel, "One more episode" for a series you're watching and "five more minutes" for a conversation with your favourite person; the same way, I feel for the topic I am on: "One more thought" or "one more perspective" or "one more answer".

I knew a few days ago that my next write-up would be about validation, but I didn't have enough things to say about it. And even though I've gathered a lot since then, it still feels incomplete but then, does it ever feel complete? Nope.

There are a few words for all of us that we know the meaning of but they just don't feel familiar.

Like: You might know about the word 'palpable' but 'visible' feels much more familiar. So, if 'validation' doesn't sound familiar; 'recognition', 'affirmation' or 'acceptance' might feel familiar.

What I wanna talk about is: how validation is so much important for all of us. 

those who are feeling it's not that important for you, honey, you might be looking from just one perspective

First of all, let's come to the academic validation. As kids, we used to get a feeling when the teacher would give us a Good or an Excellent on our homework, that feeling is known as happiness/satisfaction due to the validation you were given.

In teenage, few of us still feel that happiness due to the validation given to us by our teachers but few of us don't.

Let's talk about the validation as a person. When you're good at some kind of art or skill and you get appreciated for it; even though doing that thing wasn't ever done for being appreciated, you still feel happy. That's because of validation.

Now, what's validation in a relationship? It's when the other person acknowledges you, your love, care and emotions irrespective of the issues or disagreements.

Another perspective: when you're feeling something undesirable and the other person doesn't understand or believe what you're feeling, the situation seems upsetting. The more you love or respect a person, the more important their validation becomes for you.

When someone you love, respect and trust so much don't seem to understand your emotions and why you're feeling what you're feeling, you tend to doubt your own feelings, even if you were one hundred percent sure about them.

That's how strong and important validations are for us.

Whom do you go to, when you're facing an issue? The person who will give you a solution? Or the person who will understand you?

Depends, right? Sometimes you desperately need a solution so the former option.

But.

There are situations when there isn't any materialistic issue even from your perspective and hence no solution to the matter but you want someone who would tell you that it's okay if you feel that way.

That's called emotional validation. It's when you're being listened to. A person who is good at giving emotional validation might even rephrase your feelings and sometimes, might give you a whole new set of words you weren't able to find before.

That's when you realise that such a person is the one you'd go to when you're in trouble, emotionally.

People who would give you solutions might not give you validation --which you'd need in difficult times. The people who would give you validation might not be able to give you a solution, but if you're not doubting your feelings, you yourself might find the required solution.

As much as you need validation, you gotta give validation too. It doesn't require any mountain-climbing efforts. It doesn't involve very special observation skills. Giving someone validation just --and just-- needs you to be honest mostly when you feel like appreciating someone.

This is purely theoretical but giving someone validation would make them satisfied, have fewer doubts about themselves and might make them a more confident person. And in the world we live in, if everyone is even a little bit more confident about themselves, they might be a lil' bit more comforting when they're in some relationship. If you're confident about yourself and are an honest person, the world would witness much lesser heartbreaks.

very theoretical, i know but, feels good to think that

There might be some hundred different things for the world to become a much better place, but can't we be sure about at least a few things for now?

One of them is appreciating people whenever you see something like that. And, when you get enough validation yourself, think about the decrease in the level of doubts that you'd have.

There's a quote which I wanted to share and I don't know if you'd relate it to this topic or not, but I do. In a way, I wouldn't want to explain.

So, here it is.

"But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever."

~Haruki Murakami

Smileeeeee, darling.

~Miss V