Our Oh-So-Brittle Hearts

Hellooooo, people.

Such a long break it was, wasn't it?

I had been thinking about what to write after such a long time. After stumbling upon a lot of topics, I'm finally going on a whim.

Today's topic? It's my current feel in which I'm writing this: How oh-so-brittle our hearts are!

You can act all strong and brave in front of the whole world but deep down, there's someone in your heart as well for whom your heart feels squeezed if someone hurts them. 

Just by the thought of them getting hurt, causes uttermost pain in your soul.

You begin to question everything in your life if they happen to be absent for some time.

oh for those who don't have anyone right now, you did have someone in the past

there's a past for you too, darling

you might not have let anybody in your heart lately but that's probably because you couldn't let go of the one who came in there earlier, isn't it?

I couldn't find the name of the person who wrote this, but I found this quote which hits deep.

"In loving me, you hold a knife against my throat. In loving you, I tell exactly where to cut."

I'm not going to speak for all of you here, but I am for myself.

The truth about me is, I seriously would let the person I love to cut me with anything they wish and I might as well tell them the best way to do so. If they wish it easy, I'd tell them the fastest way, otherwise, I'm well aware of the most painful ways of death as well. Knowing my deranged heart, I know I'm very capable of doing so.

After all, it's better to imagine this way rather than the opposite.

that is, to have to kill the person i love

i would rather die by them

But then, on second thoughts. Is it really better this way? If they willingly want that, I'm in. But what if they're compelled by someone? Me telling them where to cut would be all the more reason for them to feel guilty. I wouldn't want my beloved person to live in the guilt for having to kill me. 

What if he actually loves me? oh my, wouldn't that be nice?

Let's come back to the not-so-murderous talks.

Our hearts are really so brittle. Like, do you remember that sentence that still hurts you? Do you remember the moment when you realised they won't be in your life anymore? Do you remember the meeting that you knew was the last? Do you still wait for when you'll be talking to them again?

don't blame me for putting you through these memories again, i didn't speak anyone's name now, did i?

The moments that hurt us months ago or even years ago, hurt us still. The scratches that once were made on our hearts by someone and some by ourselves, have become scars now. If they would have been healed, oh, how lovely would it all have been, right?

But, let's be realistic.

It's a real world where people make mistakes, hurt one another --intentionally as well as unintentionally,-- leave you alone, don't speak up when you don't need silence, don't shut up when you need peace, love when you want them not to and hate when you beg them for a drop of love.

The pain in this world can not be erased by a finger snap. It takes time. 

Worst part? You don't know for sure if the pain will ever leave you.

"If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life." 

~Pablo Neruda

What if our hearts weren't so brittle? What if our hearts were not easily broken by the words which do not even exist in the air anymore? What if our hearts weren't capable of holding scratches so long? What if our hearts weren't meant to hold grudges long enough to develop scars on its own? What if our hearts were capable of forgiving ourselves? 

If that were the case, I think we wouldn't have known what it feels like to be overwhelmed with feelings. Our hearts wouldn't know the longing for the lost. The feeling of getting to see that person after years would mean nothing. If our heart wasn't meant to hold grudges, how would we stop ourselves from making the same mistakes?

How would it stop itself to get hurt, if it wouldn't remember what kind of people not to be let in?

"Night air, good conversation, and a sky full of stars can heal almost any wound."

~Beau Taplin, Remedy

Quotes ain't facts, okay?

Ofcourse you're allowed to add to that list. After all, every wound has a different cause hence a different remedy is obvious.

We're in the real world, where pain can't be just made to vanish but atleast we have words to express and tears instead of words. Not every word needs to be said. Not every tear needs to be visible.

It's a real world where people make mistakes but the decent ones also try to correct them.

They hurt but the decent ones know when to apologise for it.

They don't speak up when you need silence but can't it be because they didn't know better?

They don't shut up when you need peace probably because they want to be understood without considering that you're not in the state to understand?

They love when you want them not to because they can't just flick a button and stop loving you.

They hate when you beg them for even a single drop of love, probably because you haven't been listening that they're not the one you should beg for love.

Even if people are flawed and hearts so brittle, they're all trying their best.

The scars of our hearts hurt, but don't you think your heart is also trying its best to heal them?

Even if your heart is brittle and people take advantage of that, make sure you too remember that it's brittle and has to be taken a little care of.

Our heart may be brittle but is it really? Its walls still have your beloved safe in there and despite having the cracks in it, it still protects your beloved with the same dedication you have for them.

After all, that brittle heart is yours.

Smileeeee, darling.

~Miss V