Unwinding Heart

Let's get started with what I got to tell you today. I snatched my one thought out of the chain of thoughts and I've three questions and a bit of afterthought. Do you remember school time when topper of the class would have a special or superior image in your and teachers' mind? You go to the topper student and ask them any question from the book and they'd just have a look at it and explain all of it to you? You'd just know whom to ask for notebook when you've an incomplete one, right? Some would appreciate them, some just kept it to themselves. Yes, jealous people would be there too. I still don't believe it though -- that people would be jealous seeing someone happy or at the top or achieving success . But still wrote it, atleast somewhere I gotta pretend that I'm aware of the world, its people and the fact that not everyone's kind hearted or innocent or all the good things. Shh, don't focus on the 'pretend' word there. Another questio...

"Finally, in a low whisper, he said, "I think I might be a terrible person." For a split second I believed him - I thought he was about to confess a crime, maybe a murder. Then I realised that we all think we might be terrible people. But we only reveal this before asking someone to love us. It is a kind of undressing." by Miranda July, excerpt from The First Bad Man In the previous write-up, I told you that I've decided to ask my heart for how long do I need to keep it all under the blankets? For how long my secrets are doomed to suffocate? It hasn't answered me. And ofcourse, it hasn't. You don't just stop being afraid when someone says, "oh, don't be afraid". You just can't, even if it's the most beautiful voice in its softest tone. My heart too just couldn't stop being afraid; it started shivering on the thought of revealing parts of itself. I couldn't see it shivering. It's mine. I love it, no matter how stubbor...

I've been thinking about what do I tell you in this piece of writeup and it's been days. It wouldn't really affect the time you're reading this; I'm consistent (yet). Know what's different? The acceptance. The courage. The topics I've written about already are the ones which I had in mind and they're mostly about what you wanna listen or what I'd like you to know. But the ones after this, I'm afraid those won't be the ones that I had in mind already. Or maybe I had all this time but not the courage to accept. Whenever someone's asking me what's the next BlogPost (i.e, this one which you're reading right now) is about, I take a few seconds and answer, "I've been thinking" or "I don't know yet" or "I ain't sure" or "I don't have any idea" but it feels like I'm speaking lies and lies are poison for me. Not the ones you drink and die. But the ones you can't even come in c...

What would you answer? You're alone right now? An hour ago? Yesterday?  I'm in no hurry, tell me your answer at the end.  What does being alone mean? When you've no human being present around you, is one possible answer. But that's not very good answer when you might have experienced that you can feel alone even in a room of ten people.  Again, what does being alone mean? When you've no one to speak to? But, you might have experienced feeling alone when you can speak to someone but they ain't really listening to you. So, even better answer is, when you've no one to have a conversation with. On the second thought, do you remember or have observed when you've people around you saying "I'm here to talk, if you want to" and you know they ain't just saying but actually mean it? So, you've people for having conversation -- those quality talks which you're looking for -- but still you feel alone. So, nope. Let's find a better answe...

You might be saving a lot of people at a specific point of time while dealing with your own issues. T his write-up is more or less an appreciation post for all the people who are listeners, saviours, problem solvers, life savers and someone's "everything".  You're either struggling in your own issues or struggling while saving someone else from theirs. In one story, you might be struggling yourself, in another you might be the reason someone is suffering. In one you're holding someone from falling off the edge and in another, you might be drowning yourself while finding your own way out. Afterall, our life isn't one-story line. At a particular point of time, there are many stories going on. The struggles I'm referring to might be:- Physically sick, emotionally drained, fight against your own feelings, obsession of drugs, mental health issues, accepting that the person you love is sadist, suicidal thoughts, losing one parent to death and another to drinking...