Unwinding Heart

Trigger Warning:  Mention of cut on skin.  "We demand closure as though our lives were put together as neatly as novels, but the fact of the matter is, they're not. In real life, relationships are messy and poorly written, ending too early or too late, and sometimes, in the middle of a sentence." ~Beau Taplin, Neatly As Novels I'm in a mood to just write something for you. Oh, wait. Scratch that. I'm in a mood to just write something for myself . I'll write. And you'll read. Not for solutions. Not for knowing if someone understands your problems. Not for any intentional advices. Not something motivational either. You might not find any of these but sometimes you find solutions in the places which you're visiting with no intention of finding something. You just roam in the places which doesn't guarantee you the presence of what you're looking for and boom, you find something you didn't even know you needed. I'll not say that I don't ...

Have you ever been in a position when you had to, or wait, let me reframe, do you remember the time when you had to choose between things? Whether you want this for yourself or that ? Would it be better or not? How would things be if you go with this leaving that behind? How would things turn out for others if you choose this and how would they be for you if you choose that ?  This decision of choosing varies from choosing an ice-cream flavour on a menu to wearing an outfit on your special day; from choosing the college you're going to, to choosing to stay with that person or let go. If you remember the moment of making that decision, you surely remember about how difficult it was. The number of times you had considered all the factors, the way you'd doubt if you're missing out something which you should include in the factors, the way you were wondering about whether to take advice of this person, the way you were confused if your feelings are clouding your judgement o...

Do you ever have one of those moments when you're at the verge of crying and someone asks you genuinely, what happened and the boundary of your tears break and slips out from your eyes? Or maybe a moment where you've had a bad day and at the end of it, you ain't looking for solution but just someone to speak to and someone asks lovingly, how're you or how was your day? Or maybe, after a few bad days continuously, you've had a good day because of someone's mere presence and you feel, OhMyGawd this person is wow, finally a good idea in all this mess because of 'their' company ? Or maybe, whenever you've a bad mood and this specific person always asks you, listens to you, tries to help you and if they can't help or do anything about the problem, they just stay with you. To let you know you ain't alone? Whenever someone does this for you time to time, have you ever had the feeling that you're being ruined because of their love, care and tend...

Let's see, where to start this one from. Let me take you exactly through the thought-process I went through to come up with this topic.  It's just a single-line thought really but you wouldn't understand it the way I do if you didn't go through this journey of thoughts. Here. Travel on this train with me. No need of seatbelts. not because you won't need any, it's because trains don't have any It might be a burning train, just so you know. Just joking.  I'll save you before myself, don't worry. And, yes, obviously I'll save both of us if it would be possible. puts my hand towards you to hold Come, let's go.  Let me tell you a story.  not a real one There was this girl, Sophia. She fell in love with someone she shouldn't have, if she didn't want any heartaches. She thought it might be okay after sometime. She would have her feelings under control. She felt she would be able to console herself as well as her lover when it would be the ti...

Let's get started with what I got to tell you today. I snatched my one thought out of the chain of thoughts and I've three questions and a bit of afterthought. Do you remember school time when topper of the class would have a special or superior image in your and teachers' mind? You go to the topper student and ask them any question from the book and they'd just have a look at it and explain all of it to you? You'd just know whom to ask for notebook when you've an incomplete one, right? Some would appreciate them, some just kept it to themselves. Yes, jealous people would be there too. I still don't believe it though -- that people would be jealous seeing someone happy or at the top or achieving success . But still wrote it, atleast somewhere I gotta pretend that I'm aware of the world, its people and the fact that not everyone's kind hearted or innocent or all the good things. Shh, don't focus on the 'pretend' word there. Another questio...

"Finally, in a low whisper, he said, "I think I might be a terrible person." For a split second I believed him - I thought he was about to confess a crime, maybe a murder. Then I realised that we all think we might be terrible people. But we only reveal this before asking someone to love us. It is a kind of undressing." by Miranda July, excerpt from The First Bad Man In the previous write-up, I told you that I've decided to ask my heart for how long do I need to keep it all under the blankets? For how long my secrets are doomed to suffocate? It hasn't answered me. And ofcourse, it hasn't. You don't just stop being afraid when someone says, "oh, don't be afraid". You just can't, even if it's the most beautiful voice in its softest tone. My heart too just couldn't stop being afraid; it started shivering on the thought of revealing parts of itself. I couldn't see it shivering. It's mine. I love it, no matter how stubbor...

I've been thinking about what do I tell you in this piece of writeup and it's been days. It wouldn't really affect the time you're reading this; I'm consistent (yet). Know what's different? The acceptance. The courage. The topics I've written about already are the ones which I had in mind and they're mostly about what you wanna listen or what I'd like you to know. But the ones after this, I'm afraid those won't be the ones that I had in mind already. Or maybe I had all this time but not the courage to accept. Whenever someone's asking me what's the next BlogPost (i.e, this one which you're reading right now) is about, I take a few seconds and answer, "I've been thinking" or "I don't know yet" or "I ain't sure" or "I don't have any idea" but it feels like I'm speaking lies and lies are poison for me. Not the ones you drink and die. But the ones you can't even come in c...